A major part of getting divorced is setting proper boundaries between you and your soon-to-be-ex. You will be forming your own household and arranging for separate bank accounts and credit cards. In addition, you need to establish visitations regarding the children, as well as co-parenting rules.
As a rule, one party remains in the marital home while the other moves out. If this is not immediately possible, at least established separate bedrooms as you begin to establish your separate lives.
It is important to establish financial independence. By now, you should be a checking and savings account in your name only, as well as your own credit card.
Communication can be difficult for a couple undergoing a divorce. While feelings are still raw, it might be best to keep phone calls brief. Don’t keep texting or calling your ex to find out what he or she is doing. If the spouse continues to call or text for no good reason, refer the situation to your divorce attorney.
When you do communicate with your ex, it is easy to fall back on old habits and snapping, not listening, or arguing. Poor communication is probably one reason you are getting a divorce in the first place. Poor communication didn’t work when you were married, and it won’t work during the divorce process. Develop the habit of remaining calm, sticking to one topic, and refraining from discussing old issues. It’s over. There is no reason to rehash the past.
Your divorce decree is the first step in creating a new life after divorce. The hard part is the cutting of the emotional, mental, and physical ties that still bind you to your ex. You are now single without any emotional boundaries to stop you from embracing your new life with a passion. Look forward and avoid looking backward.
During this period, you are distancing yourself physically from your ex. It is important to also create that emotional distance. He or she may still have the same old habits that drove you crazy during the marriage. It would be easy to react emotionally with the same old arguments and destructive behavior. You need to sever those emotional ties that are keeping you tied, even as you are living apart. A professional therapist can help you deal with your feelings. Limiting communication helps.
Of course, this is different if you and your soon-to-be-ex have minor children. A great way to limit communication to topics related to your children is to get an app such as Our Family Wizard or Talking Parents. Check out some more tips for co-parenting here.
Get excited about your new journey:
When you were married, you were an “us.” You considered yourself a single entity that belonged together. Now, it is important to make a mental switch from “us” to “me.” This provides you with the freedom to live life on your own terms. You now have the freedom to make plans and spend your time as you like, without having to confer with someone else. Think about. It’s an empowering feeling! You can go to the gym when you please, eat the foods you favor, and do things such as volunteering or taking a class, that you couldn’t while you were married.
In a way, you have been given a reset button for your life. It is like getting a key to a new start. See your friends whenever you feel like it. Embrace any hobby that seems interesting. Your spouse no longer has a say in how you spend your days. And that’s an empowering feeling.
Your life, your rules:
It is up to you to determine your post-divorce relationship with your ex. This can range from no contact ever to remaining friends. Do that what makes you comfortable, and don’t allow your ex to create the terms of your relationship. It’s okay if you want to remain friends. What’s important to remember is that it’s your choice. You no longer have to check in with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse before making plans or a major life decision. That’s okay if you want to though. What’s key is that it is your choice.
If you have children, don’t question them about what your ex is doing. He or she has the right to create a new life, just as you are doing. Both of you have a right to your privacy. Children should never be used as messengers or spies. Never.
In the past, you used to make most decisions together. When you are creating the boundaries for your new life, remember that you are no longer an “us.” This is an opportunity to grow as an independent individual. If you really need advice, lean on your friends, instead, or seek advice from a professional.
Setting the proper boundaries during and after a divorce is difficult. You are now playing by a whole new set of rules. While it may seem intimidating at first, this is your opportunity to become the person you always wanted to be. Embrace the opportunity.
The legal process can get difficult, which is why we always recommend that you seek the assistance of counsel; or at least have a consultation. Schedule a consultation with one of our attorneys today to review the issues of your case, the legal options you may have, and certain rights that pertain to your unique situation.
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