Whether you’ve been living with the love of your life or married, breaking up means, you are on your own, both emotionally and physically. If you have been with your ex for a while, living as a single can be quite an adjustment. It can leave you feeling vulnerable. Are you good enough? Do you even deserve love?
Give yourself a week or so to dive into gallons of ice cream. Watch a few sad movies. Then, consider this an opportunity to begin life anew. Here are some suggestions to make the transition easier.
Starting over in your new place means you get to decorate exactly to your taste. Have posters and pictures that make you smile. Play music that makes your feet dance. Buy a few new items that you consider a personal treat.
While you are creating a positive environment for yourself, it’s a good time to work on a positive mindset. Consider a few things you’ve wanted to do but have not because you were afraid it would interfere with your now-defunct relationship. Join a yoga class or gym. Pick up that book you’ve meant to read—volunteer for a good cause. There is a lot of freedom in starting over.
Start a Journal
It is natural that there would be a lot on your mind following a breakup. The good news is, you now have the time to do some soul searching and deal with your unhappy feelings. What happened with your ex? How did you contribute to the breakup? What do you want for the future? If necessary, a professional counselor can help you find some of the answers.
Soul searching can help prevent you from repeating mistakes of the past. Write your thoughts in a journal without any censorship. Maybe you got together in the first place because you feared being alone. Perhaps you have a habit of pushing people away when they fail to be “perfect.”
No one is perfect. Not your ex, not you. But the smart ones learn from their mistakes. Instead of rushing into a new relationship, consider this your “me” time. Find out what went wrong. Exercise, meditate, and maybe even learn to cook. We can stay stuck or move ahead. Life always gives us that choice.
Treat Yourself Well
There’s a good chance that your ex did not treat you as well as he or she should have, or the two of you would probably still be together. Take this “me” time seriously and treat yourself the way you would want someone else to treat you.
- Go on a date for one. Have dinner at a nice restaurant and enjoy your own company. Go see the latest blockbuster movie. Have a cup of coffee at your favorite café and just people-watch. You may feel awkward at first, but you’ll find out how much fun dating yourself can be. It is quite liberating to know you can do as a single what it used to take two people to do.
- Whether it is for two weeks or a weekend, take a solo vacation. A new environment will force you to focus solely on your needs without having to consider your ex. You don’t need to pretend to be delighted to join the ex at the museum or ballgame. You can truly take this time to be yourself. While on vacation, you’ll be dealing with a totally new group of people and situations. Seeing yourself handling whatever comes your way is a big step toward regaining control of your life and discovering what is best for you. Whether you are traveling across the state, across the country, or across the Pacific, this is truly your time to explore the world on your terms.
- Expanding your horizon. When you were a couple, your daily life was pretty much geared to accommodate both of you. You rarely just considered yourself. Have you wanted to return to college? Learn to play an instrument? Start a business? Learn a new language? You no longer need to consider how this will affect someone else. Now is the time to try new things and become comfortable with new experiences. “Me” time is the time for growth.
- You’ve lost your prince or princess. So, start treating yourself like royalty. Splurge on a special outfit you’ve been longing for. Luxuriate in a fragrant bubble bath with healing music. Take a day at a spa. Enjoy a walk through a park – nature is very healing. Learn to give to yourself. And the first gift to you should be an abundance of self-love.
It is very easy to lose oneself while in a relationship. When it is over, use the time to find yourself again. Spoil yourself while working on becoming the best version of yourself.
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