Divorce is invariably a loss. And it is likely to be painful. However, once it is over, many people realize that their divorce was a gain – a blessing in disguise.
It is easy to feel defeated by a divorce. We lose the person we promised to spend the rest of our life with; we might lose our home, custody of our children, and plenty of self-esteem. However, with the proper mindset, defeat can be turned into triumph. Divorce can offer us a new beginning with almost unlimited opportunities.
Much of how we handle our divorce is embedded in our mindset. We can turn into a victim, or we can rise as winners. Here are a few ways to approach your divorce and come out ahead.
- As nice as marriage is, it has its natural limitations when our life is intertwined with our spouse. Without those limitations, we are free to try new things, such as learn a language, take a class, splurge on a vacation, or volunteer for a good cause, all of which will broaden our life. Following a divorce, we are answerable to no one.
- Divorce brings new challenges – you alone are now responsible for managing your finances, a house, and, if any, the children. This can seem overwhelming, but few things boost our self-esteem like developing new skills. When we learn, survive, and grow, we become better versions of ourselves. The hidden gift of a divorce is that we learn what we are truly capable of.
- Starting over after a divorce may seem daunting. But think of it as a blank canvas on which you can create anything. You can do and pursue any dream or interest.
- Divorces are usually preceded by a long stretch of unhappiness. When you gain the divorce, you simultaneously lose months or years’ worth of misery. It’s the sunshine after the rain.
- As a single person, you can take the time to focus on other, possibly neglected, friendships, while creating satisfying new relationships.
Underneath all the messiness of a divorce, there are plenty of hidden treasures.
Discover A New You
When we grow up, we are told that we can be anything we want to be. It sounded nice. But then, we were married and fell into certain roles and lived within certain expectations. That is not necessarily bad but imagine a you without any limitation.
When you are on your own, you don’t have to please anyone; you are free to pursue any avenue you wish. What do you want out of life? And what is keeping you from it?
Consider the changes you need to make to become the new vision that you have of yourself. If you want a more exciting social life, you can lose weight, invest in a new wardrobe, and get to know new people. If you have your eye on the corner office at work, you can now devote more needed hours to your career. All of this is possible following a divorce.
Perhaps you’ve always wished to complete your degree. Now, nothing is stopping you. When we survive a divorce, we can survive just about anything. We are given a second chance at life. What you do with this blessing is up to you. Think of divorce as a delete or undo button for mistakes.
Is There A Right Time For Divorce?
Telling someone you want out of the relationship is not easy. But if you are unhappy, and see no possibility for improvement, how much unhappiness will you tolerate? How much wasted time will you endure?
You are responsible for your own happiness – not your spouse. If leaving the marriage is what you need to do to be who you want to be, it is probably your best move. Someone may ask you how you can leave a marriage in which you’ve invested a dozen or so years. Understand what you have actually invested in is unhappiness. You got lost in the process, and divorce can help you find yourself again.
We may not always see it, but life usually rewards us for positive actions. If a divorce is necessary for you to live life on your terms, then that will be your reward. You deserve nothing less.
The legal process can get difficult, which is why we always recommend that you seek the assistance of counsel; or at least have a consultation. Schedule a consultation with one of our attorneys today to review the issues of your case, the legal options you may have, and certain rights that pertain to your unique situation.
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