As you move forward, you need to rediscover the habit of being single. Your focus should be on you and your needs. Now is the time to discover yourself, set new goals, and enter a new phase of your life that revolves around you. Consider this a new and wonderful adventure.
You may be overjoyed that your divorce is finally over, but life after divorce can present some unique challenges If you have been married for a number of years, your mental mindset is an “us” instead of “me.”
How To Mentally Shift From “Us” to “Me”
During your marriage, your life was expressly intertwined with that of your spouse. In such a situation, it is easy for the “me” to get lost. After years of compromise and accommodating someone else, it can be difficult to rediscover the essential you. You probably have seen yourself through someone else’s eyes for years (if your spouse called you a bad dresser, that is how you likely see yourself, whether the comment is based on reality or not).
Begin by writing down all your unique qualities. This is no time for modesty. Perhaps your spouse wasn’t big on giving praise, but he or she is out of the picture. List everything that you like about yourself – you are generous, beautiful, intelligent, ambitious, a great dresser, and even better cook. You must feel pretty amazing! Keep working on and reading that list until you have embraced the real you.
For Just Ten Minutes, Allow Yourself To Be Special
A post-divorce period can be filled with stress, regrets, and grief. It is, after all, one of life’s big losses. As you list all your splendid qualities, take it one step further. Do something each day to make yourself feel special. It can just be 15 minutes out of your day but take that all-important you-time. Sip an uninterrupted cup of coffee. Read a favorite book. Wear perfume just for yourself – because you are special.
Allow yourself to feel happy. Give yourself permission to create a new life and make it your own. One of the deepest regrets you can have will be “If only I had …” or “What If I hadn’t …” Feeling out of sorts right after a divorce is normal. However, the quicker you move ahead with your life, the greater your future promises to be.
Embrace Life, But Don’t Take It Overly Seriously
There is no doubt that the single life, which holds an abundance of promises, can have its stressors. Perhaps you are now a single parent, or you are trying to survive on half the income you use to have. And paying the bills every month is having you pull out your hair.
Sometimes, it is even okay to chuck the serious responsibilities. Put off the housework and take the kids to the zoo. Forget that homemade dinner and get takeout.
While married, it was undoubtedly easy to chair a PTA meeting or a cookie sale. You felt it was your obligation to do your part. Perhaps you still have the same obligations, but your life has changed, as have your priorities. It is perfectly fine to prioritize taking the kids to the beach over the obligatory cookie sale. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Learn the power of the word, “No!”
Create Long-Terms Plans
Your future will depend on you setting goals and knowing what you want out of life. As Earl Nightingale stated, “People with goals succeed because they know where they’re going.” Consider goals the GPS of life.
Determine where you want to be in a year, in five years, or in ten years. Each day is a step closer to reaching your goals. It is a slow journey that is a healing process for your future.
There are no rules for setting your goals, but most of them will have a commonality – financial independence and personal independence as that “we” melds seamlessly into “mine” and “I.” Many divorcees depend on child support to survive, but one of the goals might still be total financial independence.
One Step At A Time
Reaching your desired future in a journey. But the road traveled is one small change or step at a time. For example, having more money can involve getting new skills and a new job, but the first step may be to eliminate that daily expensive take-our coffee and start saving by making small adjustments in your life. Small adjustments grow into big differences.
All your goals should be approached with small steps in mind. Want to lose weight? Simply begin by eliminating that daily dessert. Want a better job? Start by accepting more responsibility on your current job.
Each step will lead you to the next and the future you envision for yourself.
Surviving your divorce is all about having the right mindset. Your new single life is an opportunity to start afresh. It’s a blank piece of paper with you holding the pen. Consider what you want your future to look like and take each necessary small step to make it happen.
The legal process can get difficult, which is why we always recommend that you seek the assistance of counsel; or at least have a consultation. Schedule a consultation with one of our attorneys today to review the issues of your case, the legal options you may have, and certain rights that pertain to your unique situation.
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